You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
