I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
