Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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