Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
