Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
