Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm passing your future prison.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
