I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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