peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
