There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
