At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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