Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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