his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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