honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
