we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
