Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
