It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
