I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
