sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
there is puke in my bra ... again
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