anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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