The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
