i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize