I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
