Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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