when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
