He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
