I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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