yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
