If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
