I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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