got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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