trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
