I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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