Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize