I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
