if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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