the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
