Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
