i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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