wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
