its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
