I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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