Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
