I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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