I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
