I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
