he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
