you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
