I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do vagina's smell?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Enjoy the penises
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
