on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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