Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
