when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
