dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
