her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
