There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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