i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
