If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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