so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You took a bar mat shot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
