A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
