I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
