I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
