I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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