Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize