Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
