I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
