U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
