She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need to get me chipped asap
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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